Kleptocracy Korner: May 22, 2026

Lesser Halves

The only people more pathetic than the craven tech bros inflating the AI bubble are the depressed women who married them.

Legal Liabilities

I was shocked—Shocked!—to learn that a murder of corporate lawyers had organized an elite insider trading ring and profited handsomely for years. Nobody could’ve predicted such venal behavior—nobody except the surly middle-aged dad who wrote a vicious satire about Wall Street’s worst impulses, that is. Related: In a serendipitous plot twist, the corporate villains at Amazon.com, Target.com, and Walmart.com are discounting gorgeous hardcovers of Leverage. Be a good person and buy a few.

Disastrous Demographics

Fertility rates have plunged across the planet and smartphones and social media are directly to blame. The radical environmentalist nutjob in me thinks this is awesome, the misanthropic nihilist in me thinks this is awesome, and the know-it-all dickhead in me thinks this is awesome.

Foolish Financing

Big Tech is turning to foreign debt markets to finance the forthcoming AI bust. Why does this matter? Well, when companies blow their operating cash flow on dumb shit—such as data centers that become obsolete every three years—said companies are forced to borrow money to stay afloat. When said companies blow their newly borrowed money on dumb shit—such as data centers that become obsolete every three years—said companies go broke. When said broke companies comprise 35% of the value of the S&P 500 index, the capital markets melt down, the real economy collapses, and the Greater Depression begins.

Fresh Fish

Polymarket, a degenerate gambling app masquerading as an innovative crowdsourcing technology, will allow retail investors to punt on the financial results of private companies. To quote the legendary film Rounders:

“If you can’t spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker.”